It wasn’t a pain issue, it was more uncomfortable – if I was wearing a pair of boxers that didn’t feel great I wouldn’t keep on wearing them. But as I went on, I just found that I wasn’t enjoying it. When I first started having sex, I was determined to be versatile I wanted to be able experience the whole range of penetrative sex. I’ve bottomed a few times but I just get no pleasure out of it whatsoever. It’s not through lack of trying, just apparently a part of my physical makeup. I’m pretty much a total top but it’s not because I hate the idea of bottoming. If I can’t relax enough to do everything I’m trying to do, I’ll damn well try and control what I can.
I guess this goes with not being able to relax but also wanting to make sure the other person is having a good time. It’s also weird that the times I have tried I’ve wanted to be very much in control and doing the work whereas when I top I quite enjoy the opposite. Plus, I find the sex positions most bottoms end up in are unflattering and make me self conscious. I can’t get past the pain, or relax into it. | Photo: Jimi Photog / Flickr Charlie*, 23, gay, from London I’ve bottomed before and it’s fine but I get bored and I’d rather be in the driver’s seat. I like to take an active role in lovemaking. I get so much joy from knowing that I’m making her feel good. I’m a total top because I love the sensation of bringing pleasure to my partner. Perpetua, 29, non-binary lesbian, from Scotland When I finally made the correlation between my body’s reaction to my medicine, I realized that I actually would prefer to top instead. I was taking medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) that inhibited blood flow when I first came out, making it difficult for me to get an erection, so I bottomed. But then I switched to being a total top about a year after I came out. When I first came out as gay as a sophomore in college, I pretty much just bottomed. So we asked some total tops for their opinions: Ethan, 23, gay, from New Jersey Versatile tops prefer topping but are more open to bottoming, while oral tops love performing oral.Īs for why people develop these preferences, there can be a multitude of reasons.
Total tops in general, on the other hand, are more forgiving. When a total top walks into the gay bar /1BBRyxlyStĪccording to Baptist, true total tops generally ‘use dominant energy with expertise’ and ‘couldn’t care less’ about their bottoming partner’s pleasure. These are total tops, versatile tops and oral tops. According to Russell A Baptist’s book Adam and Steve: The Rules for Men Attracted to Other Men, there are three main types of tops.